Dear Stylists: My Hair is Fine. Stop Trying to Ruin It.

My hair is glorious.  I have good hair.  A remarkable blessing of color and softness and the ability to grow.

I Love My Hair.

What I don’t love is the way it is cut now.  I don’t love the hairstyling industry and what it purports to do.  I hate it, in fact, with a black bloody hate.

I would cut my hair myself, except that it is straight and long– any mistake would be very obvious.

Or, it was long.  Until yesterday.

Tiring of the usual cheapo places I go to, and wanting to treat myself, I went to a slightly nicer place for a haircut.  I needed a trim.  Just about an inch or two off.  Just an evening -up.  Just a trim.  All the same length.

However, what I came out with something entirely different.

She pushed layers on me.  Layers I didn’t want or ask for.  She assured me that you wouldn’t even be able to tell that they were there.

Now my hair looks like early era Rachel from “friends”.  Not something I wanted.  Not something I asked for.  Not a look I would have ever chosen.  First of all, because it is now 2018.  Secondly, because I like my hair the way it was.  I was not looking for a change at all.

I kept voicing my discomfort and was very clear that I thought she was cutting off too much.  I almost got up and left several times, but was afraid it was too far gone at that point.

Hair grows back.  Mine will grow back.  In 6 months time, this disaster will be all but gone.  And I will look for books on cutting my own hair to avoid this utter fucking disaster from happening again.

I don’t … understand… why … they… don’t… listen.  But they never do.  I have yet to find any hairstylist that will actually listen to what I say.  I know what I like.  I know what I want.  You do not magically know better than me what will be something I like.

Why don’t any hairstylists ever listen?  You don’t listen, then you charge a lot.  Why?
Why rob me of the thing that makes me feel confident and sexy and like I own the world?  I don’t know, but you all seem dead fucking set on doing it.

My head is MINE.  It isn’t your entertainment.  I know you like being creative.  I know.  I know you like feeling like you are doing something artsy.  I know.  But YOU ARE IN A SERVICE INDUSTRY.   I am paying you to do a job.  If I was paying you to trim my hedges, and I didn’t want them in the shape of a dolphin, and you made them in that shape, I”d look at you like you were completely insane. My hair is the same.

All I ask is that you stop being batshit insane. If someone clearly likes their hair long, respect that.  Don’t get all cutting crazy.  Why would you do that?  What would possess you to do that to someone who clearly has voiced that they do not want it?  Who has been very upfront about what they want?   What kind of hard-headed stubborn jackasses are you people?

My hair has been mine my whole life.  MY WHOLE LIFE.   Not yours.  It doesn’t belong to the bloated whale that is the beauty industry.   It is stunning without YOUR HELP.  The only thing I need you for is to trim it and otherwise leave me alone.  I’m so so sorry I don’t fall into your bucket of needy females.  I don’t have hair insecurity.  You can’t upsell me on products or repeat services that I don’t need.

None of that is an excuse for you to find ways to seek to give me hair insecurity by giving me a bad haircut, bad color, or whatever because you just want to shit on me.

Go shove it up your ass.  And never touch my fucking hair again, stupid.